Resident Evil: Extinction

This is from a few years ago. Figured I'd put it here since I have nothing posted yet.

Tonight, I decided to watch a movie. It was a sequel (which I usually despise) but, I loved the first one and the second was okay so I thought I'd give it a chance. So, I sat down and turned on the worst movie I have seen in a LONG time. So, without further ado, I present my take on Resident Evil : Extinction.
As to avoid my head exploding from trying to relive this piece of crap I've decided to break it down for ya:

1. Character Development.
Well, there was none. I mean they introduce a character and you think "oh, they'll serve a purpose in this film" then, 5 minutes later they're dead. WTF? In one scene, Claire Redfield went ballistic on a group of zombies that had attacked some guy and she riddled them with bullets and screamed because this guy was dead. This was over halfway through the movie and I swear I didn't even know who the hell he was!
Also, they have a girl named K-Mart. Yes, you heard me correctly. They found her at K-Mart so obviously that's her name. It served no purpose whatsoever to introduce this girl. All she did after this was scream and run to a helicopter - that's it. There wasn't a single character that you could even remotely care about.
Don't even get me started on the Umbrella holograms...

2. Plot.
Was there one? I couldn't find it. The storyline was so confusing. The opening scene of the movie was the exact same scene as the first film. Except Alice dies and gets thrown into a pit full of other Alice's. Okay, so she's a clone right? Nope, she's the orginal Alice then right? I think so. The next scene, she overhears a call for help and comes to the rescue.. But wait, it was a fake! The people that called just wanted to rape her and feed her to zombie dogs. It was such a pointless scene that didn't fit in with anything. At this point I knew I was in trouble. Then came the crows...

You see, they needed Alice's blood to cure the T-virus and domesticate the zombies. So, this crazy doctor at Umbrella tracks her with a satellite and when he finds her he "turns her off". Okay so she's a robot now? Well, while turned off mind you, she shorts out a satellite. Okay.... But wait, 5 minutes later the satellite is working again and now the doc can see through her eyes. Then Claire and K-Mart hop in a helicopter and leave for Alaska with some kids. That's it for them... how exciting. Now we get into the big boss fight!! Ooh, can't wait right? Well... read 5.

3. Dialogue.
Very little dialogue. Just basic "Hey, how ya doin'?" kinda crap. Nothing of interest at all. If you added it up, there's probably only 5 pages worth of dialogue in the whole script and most of involved asking for cigarettes.

4. Zombies.
Hell yeah, now we're talking! Well, you're wrong. The zombies in this film we're just a reason to throw in a couple of actions scenes. They served no purpose to what I assume was the story. They had one real scene in which they came in and killed most of the main group and that's about it. But hey, they're be domesticated... how original. Sounds a lot like Day of the Dead don'tcha think?

Overall, this was NOT a zombie movie. Other than the scene I mentioned, they just milled around outside the compound. It's like saying a movie filmed in the woods is about the trees. They were just background characters to remind you that this is in fact Resident Evil.

5. Climax.
Well, I forgot to mention that the doctor was bitten and in turn, injected himself with a crapload of Alice's blood to try and reverse the damage. Well, now he's a mutant with a tentacle arm.
Anyway, Alice goes down into the spooky lair to confornt him when she sees one of her clones. "They wouldn't would they??" Just wait... Well, Alice and the doc fight and blah, blah, blah, they end up in a hallway. Remember from the first film (and the beginning of this one) there was a hallway with the laser grid that sliced people up? Well, we're in that hallway again. The doc gets sliced up, he dies. Pretty anticlimatic huh? But wait, Alice is in there too! Right before she gets sliced the laser stops. And what do we see? Her clone stopped it. Wow, never saw the clone getting involved (/sarcasm).
But wait, there's more. Alice tells the hologram people she's coming and she's bringing friends. That's right, her and her bazillion clones. A fourth film?! Oh please God say it isn't so.

So, in conclusion, unless you've never had your eyes bleed, avoid this movie at all costs. Trust me, I've seen a lot of bad movies but this one makes me sick. There isn't one good thing about this film. I take that back, K-Mart's kinda cute. But still, her name's K-Mart so that pretty much negates her hotness. There is NO plot, NO character development, and the pacing is just appalling. Just a crappy, boring movie.